Another warm up

Tuesday, June 2, 2015 –

Argh! Another false alarm last night! I was feeling a lot of pressure around 10:30 while chatting with my sister, but it was easy to ignore since my mind was occupied. I went to bed around 11:30 and still had regular pressure sensations that I began to realize was coming closer and closer together for over an hour. I began timing them shortly after laying down, and used most of them to practice my Hypnobabies techniques. They went from fifteen minutes to ten minutes to five minutes apart. At first, it was hard to tell what was the baby’s flailing and what was actually my body, but after a while, the baby was quiet and I knew it was me.

I decided to call the midwife once it had been two hours. She advised me to take a warm bath or shower, and then to try to go to sleep. If I couldn’t go to sleep or stay asleep, I was to call back.

It was tough to fall asleep – the pressure wasn’t too uncomfortable but it was strong and definitely noticeable. But then, I woke up a few hours later to pee. So I’d obviously been able to fall asleep. I got back in bed, and noticed…nothing. No more pressure. So frustrating! This is at least the second time, and maybe the third or fourth, I’ve been sure that things were kicking off only to be wrong because the constant and steady pressure faded away. It’s always in the middle of the night. I’ve only contacted the midwife for two episodes and our doula for this latest one. But I hate that it was for nothing. I don’t want to seem like I’m crying wolf or that I’m clueless about what my body is doing. And I especially don’t want to feel like I can’t trust my own intuition. What if I end up not realizing I’m in labor next time because of so many false starts?

These warm ups are driving me nuts – I never experienced this with Tee. I do remember distinctly feeling like I didn’t know what was happening, and being totally unsure about whether or not I was in labor with him. I was positive that this next time around, I’d just know! And so far, that has not been the case. Ugh. Again, the worst part of all this is feeling like I can’t trust my body or my instincts. That kind of mental state just doesn’t work for me.

Waiting

Monday, June 1, 2015 –

Well, looks like I made it through May without baby being born after all! We’ll see how far into June we get. I’ve got some black and blue cohosh tincture, a recipe for birth eggplant parmesan that supposed to jumpstart labor within 48 hours, and a full moon on the horizon for tomorrow.

I’m currently lying in bed trying to distract myself from the baby’s thrashing around inside me as he or she presumably gets comfortable for the night. I guess that’s what the baby is doing, anyway. It’s hard to tell what’s a Braxton Hicks and what’s the baby moving around sometimes these days. I was up late uploading pictures from the year to Facebook and talking to my sister, who’s staying with us overnight to get a jumpstart on her commute to a site out of town tomorrow. Gotta say, I’m not so secretly hoping that all this thrashing is baby deciding to be born tonight! :-) It would be great timing with my sister already here!

Today was a good day. TH stayed home to recuperate from his cold. Yes, he’s sick but I still love it when we’re all home, so it was like a second Memorial Day weekend. Tee and I went to Monday music class as usual – it’s the second to last class and I was joking with the teacher than I may or may not be in class next Monday with Tee. Afterwards, Tee and I went to a local restaurant to meet our doula and the person she’s selected as her backup for Saturday. It was nice to meet the other doula, but I’m still hoping that we won’t have to cross that bridge.

I’m trying not to be too anxious about the 6th. I do not want to go into labor or give birth that day. But I don’t really want to do anything too drastic to avoid it either. I’m even balking at little at the birth eggplant parmesan now, and that seems harmless enough. I just really don’t want to choose this baby’s due date for him or her. And if the baby needs more time on the inside, I don’t want to interfere or rush any processes. So it’s a tough place to be in.

In happier news, our baby has a name if he’s a boy! It took us long enough, but I’m very happy with our choice – it just seems right, and I think I knew that all along throughout the past several months of deliberating. And the other name is number one should we gave a third boy one day, so hopefully we’ll never have to debate boy names again!

End of May

Saturday, May 30, 2015 –

I’ve been saying to people who’ve asked for a couple of months now that I didn’t think I’d still be pregnant by the first of June. That was mostly based on a belief, one I’ve since learned from friends’ personal anecdotes can’t be counted on in the least, that second babies generally come earlier than first babies. Here it the second to last day of May, and baby has shown no signs of wanting out. In fact, I feel like I’ve had fewer BH in the last few days that I usually do! Baby moves a ton, and despite the 35 pounds I’ve gained so far this pregnancy, appears to getting low on space – my vital organs are getting bruises from all the punches and kicks.

I noticed the moon in the sky earlier today – a little over three quarters. That reminded me of another thing I once heard, I think from a birth show I used to watch a long time ago, that many moms go into labor disproportionately on full moons. So now I’m thinking June 2nd, the date of the next full moon, might be the day that things get started!